In your mind I am here for a heist
But in these lines you will find my true mind
For indeed I see beyond your thighs
when the time is right you will find am right
but right now just let me write
I like your style, simply put you blow my mind
The way you smile makes me go high when I draw nigh you shut the blinds
and all I do is simply sigh
I mine the mines so as to get dimes
even though you always leave me wry
Turn on the light and steer to the right,
then you will find I m the knight standing by your side
This is great...definite marked improvement. Simple and beautifully expressive.
ReplyDeleteAgain you are caught between rhyming and a straight free-flow; and end up mixing 'em, took a bit of sweetness out of the poem.
But I like the idea; the expression of intent, the sincerity of emotion - thumbs up!